go wait in the car.

I miss blogger.
and sleeping.

I woke up from a nap, went to make tea and then go back to sleep, but then I realized I had to clean my room.

v-kristen told me not to always think of getting out of msa my senior year, else my entire year will be shitty, and I agree. I always think of things to change, though. that's healthier than empty complaining.

I never ask people how they are unless I care. this sometimes backfires in situations where I am unnecessarily socially obligated to be someone else's version of polite and the someone else becomes irritated with me.

tired.
I wrote a poem and brought it to class but it feels skeletal. that always happens when I write about my family. poetry blog?

kristen is watching my copy of ponyo.

the broom closet is locked all the damn time and I can't sweep the floor.

there are grammatical errors in this book. (not referencing the following.)

purchased this afternoon: books // godless by dan barker and the new paste (technically a magazine). tea // two boxes of double bergamot earl grey tea and decaf chocolate hazelnut tea (the latter of which I bought for my mother).

sent out letters to s. and z. I hope they appreciate my massive skills with crayon utensils.

"lake pontchartrain" by ludo is a good song. it is also placed in the area where I grew up, though the woods flooded far more than the interstate.

send me letters kthx.
and cheez-its.
and tea bags of known sources.

"high maintenance" means
you're a gluttonous queen
narcissistic and mean.

I have to use cooke and mack in lost odyssey (360), because the guys in my party can't find another way around some ancient ruins. the only purposes they serve are to link their skills to my immortals.

and their voices remind me of the rugrats' voices from that awful cartoon.
the rugrats.

I would probably be angry at myself if I sharpie'd this laptop screen.

arbyyyyy's.

it would be interesting to start a secular/freethought student organization here. I'm really not sure how many members it would procure, this being mississippi... maybe if I served pralines. everyone loves pralines.

the vp is speaking spanish in the bathroom.
the free box on my floor is almost overflowing.
I put a flower in my hair today, but it was uncomfortable.
I rediscovered public libraries. my younger self is, no doubt, horrified at the distant relationship book borrowing and I have had for the past few years. in my defense: my permanent residence's public library is pathetic, and I can't find anything there.
hemingway is pretty ace.

when I shave in the morning
you don't recognize me

I ask if you're still there
and you answer, "truly"

- stars.

also:

according to wikipedia, this is a part of one of brendan behan's poems:

"I absolutely must decline
To dance in the streets with Gertrude Stein
And as for Alice B. Toklas,
I'd rather eat a box of Fucking chocolates."

mmmm. toklas chocolate.

to echo ashlyn's post from long ago... I'm writing nonfiction willingly.* I should probably be having an existential crisis from this, but I have one everyday, so it's passé.

*semi-willingly. I avoid writing about my family and myself. I hate being a coward in any way, so I'm forcing myself to write about these things. GO ME. Tea in two and a-little-more-than-a-half days.

subject colon

your biographies are boring, you literature people. I want to know more about you than I want to know that you've been published in every magazine/journal/review/good homes and gardens since merlin's time. CAN'T YOU PUT THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE. ):

tea tea tea tea saturday school cry cry MUSIC science articles are blocked acquiring more water this poem sucks.

end stop

my short story is fragmenting, and I do not like writing it.

I want to live in an apartment.
I want to live in a house with open space. call the laundry room the mudroom. have a balcony. live on top of the roof in winter for a day, for as long as it takes to count the roof tiles and tire of having no walls.

will grayson, will grayson is out.

this song has the most mediocre metaphor repeated over and over. I still like it.

I was called a bitch today--I've never regretted, and I still don't, what I've said before someone called me that or the equivalent. usually, in my view, what I said would be something they would have said had to someone else in the same situation if they had more of a spine.

or maybe I am just a virulent fucker, ha ha.

tea tea tea tea. why do they only serve cold drinks here? they're either diet or filled with a disgusting amount of sugar.

earl grey, you evade me.

easter. no one else has quite expressed most of my thoughts, if not feelings, on easter like pz meyers. though my thoughts do not run so far as "a holiday for the mindless."

nonetheless, I am sick of living in a community--a country--in which the majority of persons let a murdering, invisible, nonexistent entity run their lives and say that this god has "planned something for me," or that "I'm doing this for god. I'm helping these people because I know god wants me to."

plan your own life. help people because they are in pain, because they need help, not because you're afraid of eternal suffering yourself if you don't do a "good deed."

not all theists are like that, but so many of them are, and it's frightening to see people believe in a loving god that will send them to hell, some eternal place of pain, if they don't do what they think he tells them to do.

anyway, I took a shower and I feel quite well. :D if only I had hot tea.